Fear is a very big emotion. It can stop you from living your life the way that you want to and it can make your life a misery. I like many people have a lot of fears, fears that can consume my life and make even the best of days the worst. They can play on your mind and keep you up all night. So what do you fear you may ask?
- I fear commitment. Having someone rely on you and fearing their disappointment if you can't meet their standards.
- I fear love. Love can make you do crazy things, and it can obscure your judgement. I fear what it can do to other relationships in your life.
- I fear the death of family members, I fear the death of my mother. My mum is by best friend, she made me who I am today. A day without her, knowing that she might not be there makes me so so so sad, its almost unbearable to think about.
- I'm fearful of rejection. I'm fearful I will try with people and they will turn their backs on me.
- I fear change, and knowing that everyday people are changing, what happens today will never happen again and what has happened in the past will never return.
- I'm scared of loneliness. I'm scared that I'll never find that one love and that my friends will one day desert me.
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- I fear the future, how unpredictable it can be.
I fear fear itself.
There are many things that people choose not to discuss for whatever reason. This may be because they are ashamed or because they feel as if they would be judged if someone was to find out. They may choose to keep it to themselves or tell a select few who they trust.
But sometimes, its better to let others know of what's going on. You don't have to struggle alone and people may not judge you like you may think. You should always know that there is someone out there who is willing to listen regardless of how big or small your secret may be.
So that's why I have decided to share three secrets with you that I have never mentioned to anyone. You may want to read about them or you may not; and you may judge me and you may not, but it's sometimes good to share your feelings.
1) I was bullied for a long time from the age of around 12-14 years old. I don't really want to go all that much into it because it kind of sucked. But yeh, I never told my parents or teachers as I really didn't want to make a big deal of it. I used to just let them get it out of their system and ignore it until, eventually they got bored and stopped. My friends obviously knew it was going on but they too, just chose to ignore it and it was never mentioned, ever. Looking back, I don't know whether I did the right thing by just letting them get away with it but I was young and really didn't know what to do or who to talk to. I guess I never told anyone because I was ashamed and felt that somehow I had brought it on myself and I never liked looking weak.
2) I find it hard to forgive people once they break my trust. I may say that I forgive you or things are 'just the same as they used to be' but at the back of my head I'm always thinking of that one time things went wrong. I'm really trying to work on this as it can really cloud my judgement. For example, one of the people who used to bully me (as I mentioned in my first secret) is now part of my 'friendship group' and to be honest, I really don't like her. I mean she may have changed but I hate that I can't move on from the past.
3) This blog is a secret. No one, not even my family or friends know this blog exists. And I kind of like it that way. I can talk about things with people that I know won't judge me as much as real life people may. I like that I can make friends on here and meet knew people who have similar interests. The only reason I don't really tell people about this blog, as its my place and I can discuss my thoughts.
So now that I have discussed some personal things with you, tell me what you think about the issue? Is it better sometimes to discuss secrets? Feel free to leave a comment or share your own secret...
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